The Quiet and the Breaking

The Quiet and the Breaking: By Matt Scott


I heard a good proverb tonight. If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.

This invokes so many thoughts because Its so true in a strange way. We all have plans and desires but rarely are they executed the way we envisioned. Tonight I come to you a little awkward and emotional so please forgive me. The urge and need to write tonight is uncontrollable, so I pray this hits its target as I empty.

I feel as though I just fully crossed into the quiet years leading up to my ejection into purpose fully realized. These are the years you are scarcely heard or seen as you are being poked, prodded and pruned. The most vital years determining your worth and value, molding the legacy you leave behind. The years you endure and will be the better for, or the years you crack under pressure and never move past, becoming the average statistic and common settler. This may sound harsh but bare with me. There is nothing wrong at all with that life and it is admirable if that is the call on your life. Who knows what can be achieved.But there are so many that have a burning passion to do something great and and an uncommon drive toward some ethereal force pulling them forward to look deeper, seek more, desire the uncommon, fight against the flow, and leave a lasting mark on this world. Not for self serving gratification or such meaningless trivialities, but for the betterment of such a spirit and depth poor humanity stuck in their own nearsighted shallowness.

A Here's a disturbing statistic: 98% of humanity follows the culture of the day and what is acceptable in the eyes of the world, while 2% stand against it and fight with all they have to help wake the sleeper bringing the truth and betterment to an imploding and decaying people.

In other words only 2 percent of people are leaders for the good of humanity. The other leaders fall in that staggering 98%.

Many who are called to be leaders never make it because the give into the pressures of culture and what feels right. These are the same people that go to sleep at night unfulfilled and incomplete. The same people that have the beautiful house, the average marriage, the kids, the nice cars that match the overpaid salary and the dream job. The literal American Dream. This is an awesome life don't get me wrong. One that can be lived happily and fulfilled if that is where it stops for you. I had that life at one time minus the baby that my former wife and I were not able to fully bring into this world. This is such a shallow dream though. It benefits only you and your family. It is possible to have the bold life of leading and the family but it must come in due season. Settling without the proper time allowed for seasoning if you will, will go ahead of God's timing and short circuit the process. This is the scenario that leads to the disgustingly high divorce rate that plagues our country and world. God wants us to have things that bring us happiness but we must realize we were created for a much bigger purpose then just us.

Were here to serve and lead people to the truth of the cross. Especially the ones who've only seen religion but have never seen the real Jesus and what being in relationship with Him looks like. People we need to get over whatever happened to us in a church and realize that that was just man trying to paint their version of a picture of God. Open the Word of God for yourself and mine its treasures instead of judging God on the whims of religion and others hearsay. You will find He is nothing like what has been presented to you in the past. Many churches get it right but you obviously didn't go to that one or I wouldn't need to tell you this. Truth is we've all been to the other church at least once.

Back to the quiet years.

Theologians and commentaries speak of times like those in the Bible. The years when Paul went away after His conversion. The Bible doesn't speak much of what happened in those years other than us having the knowledge of that being the time when He became the man God needed Him to be. The most important mention of quiet years are those of our Savior Jesus. Again, we don't fully know what happened in those years other than preparation for the work of His life which was saving ours. We can't spent a little time away from the people in our circles and then come back saying we're different. Words are often meaningless. That circle will soon see that nothing has changed. Even more so if you had to tell them. But its not about what people think or see.

The greatest changes happen when no one is paying attention. Sometimes we want so badly to show people that were better or changed or different because of the faults they've seen in us prior. You know, the ones that have wounded others that we cover up by saying that the other party was at fault? Truth is even after the quiet years we will still be human and imperfect so quit trying to  prove anything to anyone. It's futile. The only time anyone see's difference is when there is difference. We've seen too many movies and think things will happen all cinematically. Sorry to disappoint but we put too much weight on what we see in that little box of alternate realities. Reality is that often God will bring a season to our lives that will not be comfortable but that is necessary. He may have you close doors, end relationships, give things up and so on. This is called dying to self and it hurts bad but leads to that fire deep inside finding form in purpose and leaving you fulfilled abundantly.

Let me catch you up a bit.

I have given up everything to follow Jesus and I don't regret any of it. Many days are tremendously hard. I'd be lying if I told you otherwise. Most all the pain I carry is from choices I made outside of God's will that have affected me one way or another. He still cares for us and has mercy though because He knows we wont always get it right.

I had a smokin hot little wife, gorgeous pets, a home, a successful business with all the money we could spend and all the toys to show for it. I was saved but barely wore the T-shirt. I had my struggles no doubt and she had some big devils to fight herself. This didn't always meet well in the middle. I felt God calling me then to follow Him fully but I couldn't quite merge at the time. I'd felt Him calling me to the ministry as a child too but I had a lot farther to go first. I wanted it to happen with my wife but due to many reasons it didn't. We had our issues, lost an unborn child, and had issues with each other that we just couldn't handle anymore at the time.

I still love her and always will. Often I miss her. We went through so much together. We were married 6 yrs and together for 7 so that was almost a 3rd of my life. I can't help but think that if she were in a different place in her healing and deliverance that we could reconcile and have an amazing addiction deliverance ministry. Who knows what God has in store.

Many days I realize just how much pain and hurt is still with me. Many days I just want Her back whole and healed and with us having the child we almost did. I carried so much  pain and hurt from yet farther back that still creeps up every so often as well. God is doing a major work in me and has changed much but I'm also still very human at times.

In the almost 3 years since the divorce I have sold or lost almost everything I own. Just recently lost my truck. Because I decided it was time to stop fighting my calling and go to school for ministry I can only work part time so the last of the major expenses are now gone. All I own now is my clothing, laptop, phone and a few other personal effects. God is providing in the most miraculous ways though. I'm so thankful for my folks in all this right now. They gave me a paid for car to use through school and have helped me financially through this patch. Thankfully I got my old job back even at part time. At 31 living back at home, divorced with hardly anything to my name and have had to depend on others to get through. All this after great success according to the worlds standards. Very humbling indeed.

I know that I'm following the call on my life though so I'm willing to make the sacrifices to follow Jesus knowing that He will honor my diligence with blessing. He doesn't have to of course but I would still love Him and do it all the same. I just have a peace though that its all going to start becoming clear soon and making sense fully. Many others believe in this path for me as well and have confirmed it by their own sacrifices to help me get to school which is honoring and humbling all the same.

We never know where we will land sometimes and we never truly value what a gift life is until we've lost everything. Which is a really good place to be because God can use us then. You may be in a situation like I described earlier where you just feel you were meant for more. You have that nagging tug at your spirit to go deeper, to look beyond what you can see with your eyes, to reach for more than what the world and physical life offers. My friend that feeling is God drawing you into a more meaningful life that is meant to go beyond you and to help many others.

Don't be afraid to let it all go if asked. Don't be afraid to look like a fool. Never mind what people say or think as long as you follow your own convictions. As you start to let go you may have a season where its just you and God which is good. But know it can at times be very lonely, very trying and can draw you near to insanity, but hold on because it will pass and you will have grown for the better. Your flesh will tug at you during this time for the things it is use too and knows. All this depravity is against its nature. Then you add the spiritual attacks into the mix and you've got yourself a good fight. Friend let me tell you from much experience going back and fourth, if you have not developed a daily prayer and Bible reading life and a relationship with Jesus you will fail every time. Sometimes we can fail even with those things which guarantees failure without them. We have moments of major weakness that we must push through in prayer to cross over to the shores of deliverance.

Times of quiet solitude and times of breaking are both painful and full of blessing. We learn and grow through them. They are absolutely necessary to become what you were meant to be and they are necessary to please our God. It's never easy and often painful but so worth the endurance. Who wants to make it to the end of their life only to say I'm not finished? No one does but most do. This is sad but true. Most including Christians spend most of they're lives searching for pleasure and creature comforts while seeking God. Though nothing is wrong with those things lest they become idols exalted above God, they often become our main focus. Our main focus should always be God and when that is the desire of our hearts then He is our treasure. The Bible says where our treasure lies there also lies our hearts.

All I'm saying and have been purveying through all these entries in an attempt to bridge the gap between theology and relativity can be summed up quite simply in this: But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides. (Matthew 6:33 AMP)

Just diligently seek Him, search the scriptures and in turn let them search you. Follow what Jesus says and apply it to life. He will then take care of all the rest. Don't get frantic or too anxious because change takes time and a season. He will take you from glory to glory but in between requires teaching and breaking. This is the way to let loose that driving passion in you.

Or you can do nothing, be nothing, effect nothing and stay right where you are only to be separated as chaff from the wheat and thrown into the fire as waste. Harsh I know but this is scriptural. If you have something to give the world or have always been a leader or felt as one then this is your call to greatness. Let the quiet and the breaking shape you. There's a lost and dying world out there that needs you desperately. You were created to give them something only you can and to do nothing would rob more than just you. Time is very short and the harvest is still great. Will you answer the call that requires endurance?