The Deep, The Breaking, and Rebuke. By Matthew Scott

Breakthrough is coming in all areas. I can feel it. God spoke that to my spirit this morning at school and it was confirmed by a word spoken to all of us by Pastor and Personal Discipleship teacher Adam McCain.

I got home after an attempt to work only to find my mother crying and upset. I asked her what was wrong and she told me my sister was at the hospital with my nephew after coming from his regular doctors. The doc checked him for some things and believes he may have spinal meningitis so he sent him to the hospital immediately. God please don't let it be!

I had planed on walking at the park that I normally do today. I've been going there more lately to clear my head. So now I went to walk and to intercede for my nephew and plead the blood of Jesus over any sickness.

I'm writing you now while sitting on a park bench looking at the beautiful day and the awe of Gods creation but under a truly heavy spirit.

Even with a heavy spirit I always take the time to learn what every moment is teaching, taste every cool breeze that grazes my face, intake every beauty that is offered on this visually stunning planet from the blue skies to the green grasses to the rocks and rivers meeting in conjunction.

It's these things that teach us deeper than others how to exist in harmony with our Creator. Even in anguish. A broken outer man that leads to a solid inner man makes this possible. These little things are easily taken for granted when one has not experienced true pain or emotional discomfort that stretches you out of your comfort zone.

The enemy attacked me this last week to the point of sheer soul exhaustion. Mind, will and emotions. Much of this is also God breaking me deeper for new levels ahead I believe.

As I sit here I'm listening to one of the new albums that is becoming my life's soundtrack that I recently picked up called Treasure by David Helpling and Jon Jenkins. This album is nothing less than it's name. Treasure! Two masters in this genre of music together. This music is deeply emotional and touching. It haunts and it heals at the same time. Purely instrumental so your mind and spirit can journey where they need to.

I'm going through what Saint John of the Cross calls the Dark Night of the Soul. Basically crossing a threshold of spirituality that is a kind of rite of passage into spiritual maturity. It is wrought with pain, deep emotion, purging the past forgood and much inner conflict. Not like a spiritual attack but more like a full cleansing by trial and fire.

My colors have always been blue and green. I have always had a deep spiritual connection to these colors since I was barely old enough to have memories. They are both brighter and more surrounding right now. The most vivid memories I have include accents of those two colors in them. Soothing yet lulling. They with this music and this rite of passage are bringing old things thought recovered from to the surface with bitter tears. Memories of times gone, great and seemingly insignificant moments at the same time from when my former wife and I were together. Moments so embedded in my soul and psyche that when they jolt me from the deep it brings me to my knees in emotional pain but also with a deep gratitude for being able to have and shared this experience with her and to know what to do better when I'm with the one God intended for me. After every fleeting attempt to date I'm left so utterly lonely yet will not settle for anything less than what God has for me. Not that the one's I dated were beneath me but we just weren't made for each other. I've dated and known many amazing women that just weren't for me. I'm designed for a specific woman and she for me and God is preparing us for one another as we are being prepared for our life's work. God knows we will need each other going into ministry in the last days. I know His perfect timing will add all things to me longed and desperately prayed for. I'm just left feeling more desolate and farther from her wherever she is after these attempts. I've solidly let go and given it to God. He will have to collide her into me with a blinking yellow arrow over her head saying this is her! I just know she will not be of the world but Spirit filled and full of Jesus and ready to go into the same area of ministry that I am.

It takes a pretty special lady to say she'll passionately follow you for Jesus into parts of the world that most people would call Hell to help reach the lost at the risk of death at any moment. Those kind don't seem to grow on trees! So I'll say no more about it Lord but pray for her safety and protection wherever she is and that she'd know me and that I'd know her when first we meet. I'll pray this faithfully everyday until You bring her to me.

Times connected to vivid memory through smells in the air occur now stronger than before. Jasmine, honeysuckle, good soil, Magnolia trees, Spring and all the longings deep within of the life I know God is preparing for me.

As I've been in this park much lately, all composed of miles of wilderness trails, when I come to a clearing and there's lush green grass accented by vibrant blue skies, offset with budding trees and that light, healing breeze, I want to lift off and just hover over these openings in my spirit. It almost can't be contained. There's a sense in which my spirit wants to touch all the beauty at once rather than just hover over parts. Like an explosion or an expanding. Maybe this is a vision that God is telling me that He's healing years old wounds and giving me back the ground that's been stolen ten fold. That Hes expanding my territory and bringing me into a great harvest of souls.

I know He is doing much and preparing me for much but In my soul (mind, will and emotions) I feel defeated somewhat but yet a major transformation taking place. Maybe not defeated but definitely hindered for a short season. Maybe to break me deeper.

These verbal attacks last week of being called a fake and a hypocrite because I wasn't able to meet the needs of two people the way they thought should happen truly wounded me. I know we will suffer persecution because Jesus did but it really does hurt when you know you are the antithesis of those things. Truth is that the Spirit of God I carry convicted them and they lashed out accordingly. He says the world will hate us because it hated Him first.

As beautiful and full of life and goodness as He is I still cannot fathom how people can not want what He has! He is the source of the peace they seek and the purposes they long for!

I understand the logistics of peoples unbelief because for one they don't want to face themselves and two they are deceived. I face myself daily and make hard decisions based on the best thing for me in His sight but I'm called the coward because I won't take unnecessary risks. Believe me if it's a risk needed to be taken for His cause I would gladly pour out my lifes blood for Him! Happily and eagerly! To live is Christ but to die is gain! I want to be with Him anyways so that would not be hard for me. What is challenging for me is to love people like he did. Truly lost people are easy, it's the people that act in ignorance that have had the privilege of being spoonfed the gospel in America and doing nothing with it that make me nuts!

America is beyond spoiled! We have every resource available to us and yet we still choose not to make a choice. I've heard my converted Muslim brothers stories that brought me to tears. One in particular by the name of Dr. Abraham Sarker. A converted Muslim and missionary to the Muslim people and CFNI graduate. Muslims are very hard people to reach for Christ and very dangerous to attempt to reach in their country.

When Dr. Sarker heard the gospel in his own county (which is a miracle in it self), and received Jesus, all he wanted was a Bible. No where in all their country was a store allowed to carry one and to touch a New Testament was to be defiled and no better than an infidel in the site of an unconverted Muslim. Some of them waited 4 yrs just to get a Bible! And we have an over abundance of resources. Podcasts and numerous bible translations, bookstores and Christian bookstores and so on. Did I mention a church on almost every corner? Heck the fact that we can publicly go to church and worship without being imprisoned or killed is a miracle as well. This is an offence punishable by death in many countries.

I'm just fed up with peoples idiocy. Ignorance is not knowing and Idiocy is not doing anything with the knowledge. I can love them but that doesn't mean I have to like what they do or rather what they don't do. And they can say all they want and call me every name under the sun and that's fine but I'm not gonna just lay down and take it without calling them out. That's the prophet in me. I know the Holy Spirit has to draw them but how many times will they reject and blaspheme before they're out of chances? I won't waste a lot of time but I will make absolutely sure they understand that we are not the problem. It's them and the deception they're under. Now if they are serious and aren't wasting my time then I'll gladly disciple them.

Believe it or not I'm human just like the people that accuse me and many other real Christians of being fake hypocrites. Just because someone is a practicing Christian does not make them freakin' Superman. The same people that love us one minute and then crucify us the next neglect to look beyond their own problems long enough to take into account that we also have things we deal with. And thank God for His grace because without it we would be called and labeled much worse I'm sure.

Christians are not God therefore we're not perfect like Him. We help break down the info so you can digest it and put it to use. But guess what? We get tired, we deal with issues of our own, we fall prey to temptation just like you only its harder for us because were responsible to shepherd all the people that cry when they don't get their way and call us fakes. They often don't have a clue what is demanded of us to even perform at only half capacity. Put yourself in a room full of people that drive you nuts that need help that you also care about and you want them to want help and then maintain self control and stand above reproach to give them what they need. Then you are only seeing a tiny bit into the world of the true Christian. They forget to realize that they are not the only ones reaching out for guidance and half the time they are reaching out they don't want to do what they need to to overcome the problem. So they lash out from the conviction of the Holy Spirit or just to make something happen in their lives that causes movement.

Guess what? You can go to God yourself as well. Jesus died the horrible death that He did so all could come to Him. You can pray and seek Him Just like me. Want to know what He wants and how to find life the right way? Stay sober and get a bible and read it every day. 3 chapters a day and 5 on Sunday is what is recommended.

Want to stop repeating the same self destructive cycle you've been stuck in your whole life? Do the opposite of what your skin want's to do. It will suck for a while but you will get over it. No one ever died from quitting. Pick up a Bible and read it for yourself instead of buying what other people say that don't have a clue what they're talking about because they themselves have not read it.

Excuse the frustration and being all over the map here but much has been occurring. I'm sure many of you can relate to my anxieties over people's quick judgment. It's just time to speak up and stop Tulip prancing if you will, with people. Love them, disciple them, lead them with truth but remind them of humanity and grace  and teach them to rely on the creator and not the created. Be mindful of the leading but be correcting and prepared to walk away also. As Jesus said " Do not let the dust settle on your feet".

He's got me and many of us on a journey like never before. We must pay close attention to everything if were to grow from the emotional and spiritual to the physical and relationships. People are brought into our lives for a season for many different reasons. Some for life and others for a brief moment. Learn what you can from them regardless of their, Religious or Political stance. Keep the good from them and throw out the bad. Experience is vital and just because things may not have a "Christian" label on it doesn't mean its all bad. Also teach others the wisdom and knowledge you've acquired from your life experiences to those who will listen and grow. Wisdom passed on is not wisdom wasted. Those that do not keep it for themselves add to the pool of knowledge and benefit the whole of humanity and our world. Extreme times call for extreme measures and what worked for one generation wont always work for another.

May God grant us the wisdom to use the tools and experiences we've been given for the cause of the Gospel and the benefit of the human race.